Empathy

My neighbor passed away this past Monday. He was inching towards 50 years old and he had a wife and a son and daughter. I was one of the few standing outside listening to the news from my other neighbor that the friendliest guy on the block had hung himself in his basement while his family was at work and school.

I used to ride the bus with his son who is 2 years younger than me. We were friendly, but not too close because we were both very shy. I just got home from his father's wake and I was amazed by how many teachers, neighbors, school administrators, friends, and family that showed up. It was so overwhelming to walk into the funeral home and see so many people there paying their respects to this one man and his family. It's hard to say why my neighbor died because no one knows what happens behind closed doors. To take your own life you would have to feel completely hopeless, but this man had a son that just got into Harvard on a football scholarship and a daughter who is only 8 years old. Some say he was on the verge of getting a divorce. His wife seemed more angry than upset as she greeted people.

When I arrived to the wake I had a lump in my throat. I was still so close to the entrance that I didn't get a glimpse of anyone crying yet, but as I walked further into the funeral home and closer to the casket my emotions were bubbling. Phil, the son was one of the first people I saw and immediately I hugged him. I was so overwhelmed and choked up that when I went to say "I'm sorry for your loss" nothing seemed to come out of my mouth. It had been a long time since I last talked to him, but he still knew me. He said "hey steph" and I saw how blood shot his eyes were from crying that I started to tear up. Then as I walked further into the room and over to greet Phil's grandparents I burst into tears. I shook the grandparents hands and said I was sorry for their loss. The grandmother sat mostly in silence at the wake, but did occasionally mutter to herself in grief and despair "my son....my son...my son."

After I made my way around the room I sat down facing the exit. The eight year old daughter came up to me and my parents and said "I guess I'm the bravest one in the family" and the only thought that ran in my head was, her father's death must have not hit her yet. The funeral home became so packed that we were all pushed into two rooms standing shoulder to shoulder. At that time my parents and I decided to leave. We started to head out and we said our goodbyes to the son. We all hugged him and when it was my turn I finally said I was sorry for the loss of his father and then he thanked us for coming.

My Dad decided to stay a little longer with our family friend, Dominic and his daughter, Sam. My Mom and I headed out with Dominic's wife, Melissa to go pick up their other daughter, Lauren. While we were driving to pick up Lauren I kept thinking how I should have stayed at the wake longer with my Dad. When Melissa got out of the car to get Lauren, I burst into tears just thinking about Lindsay, this sweet little girl. How is she going to feel all dressed up on her wedding day without her father there for give her away at the alter. It was heartbreaking seeing them at that wake and it still hurts to think about Phil and how he'll feel at his first football game at Harvard without his father there to cheer him on after all the games he attended at High School.

People who commit suicide do not realize that their death has a domino effect. When someone dies, their death affects so many people and it's sad that Phil's father was so unhappy that felt the need to take his own life and leave like this. His death shook a lot of people, especially his kids. Their lives will be completely different now with him gone. It is the children I feel the most empathy for, to be without a father or mother is a terrible loss.